COACHED WITHOUT LIMITS
Dr. Eric Frazer, PSY.D.
Chapter 23: Tolerating Growing Pains
We’re all familiar with the saying no pain, no gain. I only disagree to the point that growth doesn’t require pain, but it does require discomfort. Pain is a signal that something is wrong either physically or emotionally. Discomfort is an ordinary perceptual experience that is an outcome of expanded growth. It is also temporary. Sometimes, in our first encounter with discomfort, we resist it. We need to embrace it, like a little two year old child running around chaotically. Here comes discomfort. What a beautiful experience to see such excitement, and boy am I going to be tired after chasing this one, but imagine the contributions my attention will make to this little person. Accept the discomfort. Embrace the outcome. Sometimes where we get lost is in our analysis of the discomfort. All of my coaching clients, in one way or another, come to me to tell me about something that is causing them discomfort. These conversations guide my discernment and analysis of the source of discomfort. Sometimes it is internal, sometimes external, but always something within the person’s control (internal locus of control mindset). I remember coaching a cruise ship doctor who ran a clinic on the beach on a tropical island (I know, tough job right?) who was experiencing some growing pains and feeling stuck in her job and incapable of figuring out a way to have her own boutique medical clinic. Boy, she was filled with passion, ideas, intelligence, and a limitless degree of energy. Her “growing pains” were leaving the sense of stability and security, determining how to prioritize and structure a self-made curriculum to open a boutique medical clinic, and which professional relationships could be strengthened. When we have a better perspective of the discomfort we realize the “pain” part of it is like a phantom symptom. It’s either not real, or not as serious as we believed it to originally be. We realize discomfort is normal for growth, and by embracing it we can become our optimal selves.
The Exercise:
Right now, there is something that is bothering you and creating a degree of discomfort somewhere between a little and a lot. Identify it. What can be done about it? This may be a brief or lengthy answer depending on the context, but the point is that taking action by accepting the reality of the discomfort is the first step to decide what to do next. The answer may be nothing and it will pass on its own, like bad traffic. In other situations, there may be plenty to do, including changing your attitude, an unhealthy habit, or even a more radical decision like leaving a job and becoming a solopreneur like my doctor client. After identifying the discomfort, I recommend asking yourself a very useful grounding question : Can you handle it? Well, if you can’t, now 1 you know where to start practicing. If you can, then you will pass through your discomfort and move forward with deliberate intention and action.