Fear can be crippling, literally in the sense of feeling incapable of taking action. A common theme that emerges in my coaching sessions are people feeling incapable of speaking up and giving their opinion, or feeling ignored or discounted. To give another example, in my earlier clinical work I had clients whose fear was mainly anchored in fictional beliefs, or stated differently, narratives in their mind that they convinced themselves were true but actually were not. If I broke it down logically for them into bite size pieces of disassembling the irrational thinking, they were able to have that “ahhah’” moment, laughing about how absurd it was to cling to that type of neurotic thinking. Similarly, getting to the core of fear is a real lesson in self tough-love. This can be accomplished by practicing mindfulness consistently so you train your mind to relax, and realize the only thing you can control is your self. What do you control? Your breathing, your observations, your composure, your reflection, and ultimately your decision to respond or not respond.

 

Another exercise that I have utilized with clients is to have them name a villain for me that they identify with from a particular movie. The proverbial “bad guy” or “bad girl.” I do this because the perceived source of most fears is typically another person: a boss, a co-worker, a partner, or a family member. It usually boils does to one of the those four, and people tend to feel emotionally and sometimes physically paralyzed around them. I invite them to imagine they are on a movie set, and that person is simply a character. Here comes Hulk again, about to lose his temper. Or naming the behavior, here comes the master manipulator again, let him/her do their thing. This helps people settle into reality from an observational perspective and not a “being” perspective. They learn to be able to observe what is happening in front of them that formerly triggered fear, and not react to the trigger that resulted in fear. Instead they learn to watch it unfold and not immerse themself on the theatrical movie set of life.

 

In terms of my own experiences, I have found going rock climbing either indoors or outdoors, but particularly outdoors, highly useful in the practice of developing courage to control a fear reaction. It is neurologically normal to be up off the ground and have an increased heart rate, sweating, and the initial neurotic thought “I’m going to fall and get hurt/die!” However, it is simply not true, unless you’re climbing Alex Honold style. Otherwise, you’re 100% tied into a rope, and the person belaying you. Yes, accidents happen, but a far lower rate than car accidents. I heard from a master climber that one trick to over-coming a fear of heights was to focus on the present moment, and specifically to notice and affirm to yourself that if your hands and feet were on the wall, you were not falling. Having used this technique, I can affirm, it works. Therefore, there are many ways to practice overcoming fear in ways that you can bring into the workplace.

 

To develop courage, which I will clarify as a state, it is useful to go back to learning the skill of assertiveness. As it pertains to courage, developing assertiveness, begins with identifying the fear, developing a calm state (emotional regulation developed through breathing or mindfulness), and developing an assertive voice. I usually have people practice this with me so they can see themselves doing it, and I can role play “the bad guy” or person who is feared and show in-vivo how to handle nasty behavior or comments. It works because it is classical behavioral conditioning.

 

The Exercise:

Identify one fear that you wish to rid yourself of and write it down.

Now develop a plan based on the suggestions in this chapter to overcome it.