Building a team is like being in a family. Many of the same core values apply: trust, reciprocity, appreciation, acceptance, etc. But it’s not a family, and it comes with an entirely different set of expectations, ground rules, and nuances. The central tenet is taking the time to get to know each team member in a meaningful way. One exercise that I found to be very successful that I was told came out of a Stanford Lab involved team members pairing up with white boards and sharing their daily routines. Upon return to the group, everyone shared what they learned and appreciated about the other person’s routines. Quick deep disclosure, appreciation, and trust came out of this action-oriented workshop process.

 

Team building is simple to outline, but difficult to practice. Why is that? For the simple explanation that a group of people are coming together with different backgrounds, personalities, life experiences, expectations, preconceptions, and ideals to name a few of the variables that are constantly in circulation. For these reasons, as a team builder, (which may come with the title of manager, project manager, or many other specialized titles), one of the key skills to develop is the skill of observing what we call in psychology “the process.” This means taking a step back, and observing what is happening. What are the group dynamics? Where do people agree? Where is there resistance? Who listens the most? Who talks the most? Is the group splitting (taking sides). Who is considered the leader? It is a lot to take in, which is why being a good team builder requires deep thinking, analysis of meetings (process), and outcomes.

 

To be an outstanding team leader requires setting ground rules. These will likely be derived from the mission, core values, and key principles of your company and presumably from within yourself. Ironically, in many instances when I ask people about the core values of the company, they have no idea what they are. Sometimes they know them, but bashfully admit they’re ‘pretty sayings’ without any tangible meaning. Regardless, simple ground rules for communication make sense to build a foundation of trust in the team: No personal criticizing, no interrupting, respect for alternative opinions, disagreeing with information not emotion, and emphasizing positive communication skills such as active listening, showing appreciation, and asking clarifying questions (what would that look like?).

 

Team members come and go for various reasons. Those reasons should be explained to the team directly and explicitly. Secrets create doubt, doubt cultivates fear, and fear results in emotional decisions which are highly destructive to a team’s success. Sometimes team members are not a match, and you don’t arrive at that understanding until after the fact. Trying to “make it work” doesn’t work. The better decision is to discuss the misalignment with the team member, and help place them into a better role, or their former role, absent team involvement. Help them find a good fit. Everybody wins in that scenario. Sometimes team members are a poor alignment because of a personality difficulty—working collaboratively. Often these are the most skilled people. That is not a team building problem, that is a bad hire problem, or team placement problem. In my experience these people are best not included in a team, but if necessary, used as a team consultant for their knowledge, but not included in team meetings and processes.

 

Another interesting phenomenon in cross functional collaboration is that teams get divided into categories. Team A dislikes Team C. Team C dislikes the leader of Team B, but likes the team members of Team B and so on. People on the teams are often somewhat naive to these dynamics other than their own experience, depending on how large the company is, and how much interaction is going on between the teams. Add in time zone differences, cultural differences, and off-shore teams and it gets even messier. This is a leadership problem that exists at the levels above these teams. Often directors and C-suite individuals. This toxic functioning can only be solved at that level. Meanwhile, the teams remain ‘stuck’ in this cycle of conflict. The solution is to identify the problem areas as objectively as possible and actively address it with upper management.

 

Successful teams appreciate each other. The team leader, should you be so lucky, who accomplishes this, and other positive outcomes, is really a facilitator, like a conductor of an orchestra. Directing, providing structure, and then at the end giving appreciation for everyone’s contribution to the totality of the performance. It is a skill (science) and an art.

 

The Exercise:

Schedule a “routines” team building activity or suggest it. If you don’t work on a team, meet with a professional you know well enough to simply ask what they consider their successful habits to be. People love talking about their successes