Personality is one’s capacity and style of relating with others. A personality disorder is an impaired capacity and style of relating with others. The latter is often easily detected in a workplace environment, whereas in a personal relationship it usually takes longer for this degree of awareness (about the partner). This is because workplace demands are higher, with less flexibility, and less tolerance. Fortunately, most people are not personality disordered. Nonetheless, people are complicated and being able to relate with different people with different personalities shaped by a myriad of lifelong forces requires a high degree of emotional intelligence or, stated differently, psychological maturity. The first step in developing this skill is self-awareness (See Chapter 1). How is your personality best self-described? How is it best described by others who have the least degree of bias? The next step is acknowledging the reality that everyone else’s personality is different than yours. From a practical standpoint you have preferences about the way things are thought about and executed, and so do they. They are often different, with an important distinction not being better or worse, wiser or less intelligent, etc. Being able to work with different personalities requires a degree of appreciation for these individual differences, preferences, and means of accomplishing shared goals in a team or organization. From a cultural standpoint, it requires an appreciation of the culture of others, particularly for global companies. Disregard can kill a deal or an alliance. One way that I have found to be very useful is making it a deliberate practice to be curious. This is probably why I chose psychology as a profession and have been successful at it. My curiosity in people was the highest priority over any other factor that could interfere with my analysis and ultimately conclusions about them. You don’t need to be a psychologist to practice this mindset.

 

Personality disordered individuals are highly unlikely to change. If you have one in your organization they will wreak all kinds of havoc and disruption that steadily worsens and typically erupts. People working under them quit, ask for transfers, and the aftermath is extremely costly in all regards. Thorough documentation with undeniable examples of misconduct are central to create a fact-based account of problems to solve this problem swiftly and effectively.

 

Personality is also malleable. If you are an introvert and wish to be an extrovert, that can be learned through assertiveness training. If you are constantly receiving feedback that you are excessively extroverted and need to listen better, that can also be learned through active listening exercises. If you are a pessimist, optimism can be learned and practiced. The hardest part may very well be acknowledging the less favorable aspects of your personality, but the quicker you can “get over it” and “let it go,” you can move forward in becoming the optimal versional of your Self. This is not a complete personality overhaul, and in personality theory and application, we talk about personality attributes (character traits), and just like other learned behaviors that can be broken down and learned step by step, so can personality attributes.

 

The Exercise:

Pick one personality attribute you would like to strengthen. Identify it the best you can, and consider having a few sessions of psychotherapy to best understand how it came to be, how it currently manifests, and what you would like to change. A few sessions can get you off and running with a more polished personality that is congruent with who you would like to show up as professionally (and personally).